


Dear Dollophead,

by mrsrumbles



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 04:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsrumbles/pseuds/mrsrumbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I’d promise to protect you or die at your side.<br/>I wish I died at your side."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Dollophead,

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this right after Diamond of the Day and I just was looking back to my old files and found it. Not bad, if I do say so myself. Feel free to kudo and comment it up!

Dear Dollophead,

You’d probably ridicule me if you knew what I was doing. Writing a letter to a dead man… I really am going mad, aren’t I? If you ever come back, I’ll make sure to burn this.

When are you coming back? Will you ever come back?

Albion’s gone. Camelot’s gone. Magic’s gone.

You’re gone.

Do you understand destiny?

I thought I did.

I thought a lot of things that ended up being false.

You know when I thought I understood destiny? When your father assigned me as your manservant. That big dragon that your father kept caged in the castle, that later was freed and tried to destroy Camelot? Yeah, well that dragon was my mentor. Forgot to mention that huh?

Oops.

I forgot to mention a lot of things, didn’t I?

I blamed myself. For everything.

Mainly I blame myself for you.

But the more I think about it, the more I start to hate him. I hate that dragon for telling me the future. I hate him for telling my destiny. I hate his riddles.

I just hate the pain.

Pain that was the truth.

What if we never met? What if I never saved your arrogant arse from being killed that first time? What if we never even got close? What if I stayed at Ealdor? What if I hadn’t been born with magic?

What if?

I realized destiny is the most painful thing that can happen, because there’s no way to change it.

Your death was something I didn’t ever want to happen. It shouldn’t have happened. If I had just thought sooner to call Kilgarrah…

I still blame myself.

I’ll always blame myself.

I’m pathetic, aren’t I?

If you were here, you’d tell me to grow up. Stop sulking. Probably order me to go draw you a bath or get you something to eat. And I’d tell you you’d get fat. And you’d tell me you’re fighting fit. But I’d be the one punching another hole in your belt.

Remember those days? When you were…

Here.

I’d promise to protect you or die at your side.

I wish I died at your side.

Why wasn’t it me? No matter how cliché that sounds; why wasn’t it me?

After everything I saved you from, after I helped shape you into the King you were meant to always be, why did you have to die? By Mordred’s hand, nonetheless?

And how come I couldn’t save you from that?

Most powerful sorcerer in the world, they call me, yet I couldn’t do anything to stop you from dying right in front of my very eyes.

But it was all for Camelot and Albion, right? Destiny didn’t care about the people caught in the crossfire, it just wanted peace.

Peace for who? Peace for what?

I ought to be ashamed of myself. Peace is always what _you_ strived for.

This is a good example of why you were the King, and not I.

If I actually think a bit and stop sulking in self-pity, I’ll realize that you wouldn’t have died any other way. You would die to protect Camelot because that’s all you ever cared about since the beginning. You fought for the people, the justice of the land, you had a thoughtful heart no matter what anyone has to say about that.

You were Camelot’s true king.

And now you’re gone.

You know, this might be the first time I’ve ever been looking forward to turmoil. Because that’s when Albion will need you again, right?

I’ll be waiting for you.

Except not in Camelot.

There can be no place for magic in Camelot. At least not anymore.

So I never went back.

 

Love, Merlin

 

P.S. In two words? Come home.

 

 


End file.
